Dabbling!!

Heckington...Its a place in Lincolnshire that my daughter Nadine was lucky enough to visit not so long ago, exploring the only 8 sailed working windmill in the country.

That's where this little bag of bread making ingredients originated from, its a 'homemade, self sufficient, know whats in it' way of living. This appeals to me in every way.

Home made bread, home grown veg and home made jams, its a start...its a step in the right direction. Even though I'm only 'dabbling' at the moment and we have had the Allotment nearly a year, we are still just getting going. When you've spent so many years NOT dabbling its going to take a long time to be an 'accomplished dabbler'!!

Its all out of my comfort zone and I don't do well out there but a comfortable life can become incredibly boring. I like to be a bit rebelious now and again and being nauaghty makes me giggle....

Dabbling, rebelious, giggling....sounds like a recipe for a new kind of ME... Your just have to wait and see!!! ha ha ha ha ...

Thats why I have to let go.

Many, many times I've just sat and watched my children sleep. Holding their hands when they've been poorly or wiping their face when they cant hold anything down. Wiping away the tears after a scuffed knee, a mishap on the bike or even a failed teenage crush. Just being there, just listening, just being a mum.

Its what we do as parents and it never ends, I for one am glad that I will always be needed in one way or another, it gives me a feeling of belonging and that deep warm satisfaction of knowing that I can make a difference with a softly spoken word or smile. Sometimes it's as simple as that, Oh boy do I wish it was always as easy as that!

We can take a child by its hand and quide it through the maze that we call life but dragging them will not have the same effect. They need to fall and scuff their knees occassionally, its how we go about getting them back on their feet that counts, re-assurance instead of scolding, showing that you are there instead of 'I told you so', giving them the confidence to have another try and not be fearful of falling again can be applied throughout their lives.

Its the 'parting' and 'letting go' that I'm struggling with, fewer family meals where we laugh or cry about our day, our family get togethers are less frequent but more of a bloody military manover, its not easy to organise but well worth all the Diary jiggling or conference calls - 6 ways!!

With all of these down sides there are many, many up sides...the addition of people to our family with the introduction of partners is how I measure my wealth nowadays. I dont have alot, I dont own my own house, if I dont have the money for something I dont buy it, its that simple. But, I can cook a great roast, we have always had cooking days, Craft days, DVD days and duvet days, it's when we spend quality family time especially now that they are all flexing the wings, finding their feet and preferring to spend time with someone not as old as their mum!

You see, as they get older, you can't live their lives for them. I still want to pick them up when they fall but instead I find myself turning and walking away knowing that someone else has lovingly stepped in, so I can have a rest for a while.
Thats how I have to look at it, its not that they dont need or want me anymore as I will always be their mum, its because they're growing into what they want to be, with whom they want to be with.

Thats why I have to let go.

I will always be proud because they make me proud, I will always love them dearly like I did the first time I touched them, they have been my life for all of their lives, they are part of my soul and of that I'm so glad.

Rainy days.

I made this little book after recieving the instructions and everything I needed to make it from a very crafty lady called Cleo.

I filled it with little photo's of my children and just squirrelled it away like us crafters do, saving it for a rainy day I expect, but knew that it was unfinished and that at some point I would be able to fill it, I would know what to put in it when I saw it!

Wrapped sweetly in black tissue paper, (WHAT, it matched the colour scheme!!), It was stashed for another time..

Then my dad became very ill with Cancer, I cried into my pillow for days, wanting to go and see him but being told that he wanted no visitors, this wish I had to respect. Finding out the same rule didn't apply to all broke my heart, made me angry and wanting to scream, but I had to repect what dad wanted.

It was whilst occupying myself one of those 'No Visitor' days that I came across this little parcel in the back of one of my craft trolley drawers... now I knew why I had put it away. For a rainy day.

Over the next couple of weeks I filled it with little letters, photos and odds and sods that I wanted him to have and once again stashed it away safely, ready for that rainy day.

Well, that rainy day came far too quickly for my liking, the drive there was a blurr, the sound of my heart in harmony with my breathing, my eyes stinging but the clouds just came and swept my dad up and took him to a better place. Even the good and great have to go some time. x

Lifting my head up to see him for the final time I wasnt sure...I left the room, had I come into the wrong place, Im sure that wasnt my dad...NO, deep breaths and back in I went...His hands, thats my dads hands...I just needed a moment. A moment to think. Standing alone, like his child I was, not knowing what to do, there was the sound of my heart and my breath in harmony with each other again... Just breath.

Tucking the little book under his pillow I explained that it was full of little things and that even though I knew he wouldn't read it the pictures might remind him that we all loved him. Looking back over my shoulder I told him that I would see him later... Just like I always did. x

Bucket List.

This was on my Bucket List... To have Afternoon Tea at The Ritz Hotel, London. Well today that became something that I can now tick off!
Alison and Joseph took me for tea at The Ritz and as I had anticipated it was a different world. Gavin had hired a Chauffeur driven Mercedes E Class that collected us from outside Euston Railway Stationa dn gave us a tour of Central London before depositing us at the bottom of the steps outside The Ritz Hotel.
We had preened and pampered ourselves, had our hair cut and put on our best frocks, at the table next to us was a lady sat in a pair of wellies...
The sandwiches, Scones and Cakes were devine, they were just constantly coming around with more, asking if we would like more cakes, sandwiches etc.. as much as I wanted to say Yes, I didnt think it was the sort of establishment where I could request a Doggy Bag!!

"A fresh pot of coffee for the Lady" stated the waiter as he took away my coffee pot only to return moments later with a lovely fresh pot!!
It was all faultless, the Silver Service, the attention to detail and the company was fab and I had an amazing time taking photographs the whole time we were there.
As we left the Tea Room we were told that we could have a look around the Ground Floor of the Hotel and if there was nothing occurring in the Banquet Room we were welcome to have a peek.
We didnt need to be told twice and went off on our merry adventures... Photo's all taken we left with a full memory card and full bellies too!!
How lovely, what a great day. Nadine had occupied Jessica today too so I didnt have to worry about Jessica being home alone, dispite being 15!!
Thank you all. x

My Garden.

Where do I begin?

Hhhmmmm, my garden, its where I WANT to be all the time, I love to sit out there, eat out there and spend time with ones I love out there.

When Ive had a tricky day at work, I love nothing more than to grab a Latte and go for a stroll around my little patch. Its only 20 feet by 12 feet but its my 20 x 12, come rain, shine, wind and snow, its a place where I think, plan, laugh and talk, usually all at the same time!

For the past couple of years I have just scattered wild seeds and lots of Poppy seeds...they just pop up every where, they have no requirements, no ideas of grandeur, they never moan that they've been squeezed in or sprinkled in a place where not much else will germinate, they are just simply beautiful and obliging.

My garden, like any ones, is a constant work in progress and every day I think about doing something different out there, but the time, money and energy often elude me. Its a place that my children don't often venture due to my requests for help to move something or just the fact that they are aware that I escape out there and I'm best left to my own devices, well until they need feeding anyways!

My aspirations for this year are a new fence all around, pushing the back fence level on both sides and relocating the gate slightly off to the right, then we can shove the shed in the left hand corner where it will remain in the shade all day except for when it greets the sun rise in the mornings. Then its a simple task of lifting all the slabs, laying the turf, extending the decking and creating the wandering shade boarder!! Down the right hand fence I will have an extended wooden bench with pots and 'hot bedding plants' peeking out from below it. Its the hottest part of the garden and the sun slowly crawls up the garden, hence to extended bench nearly the full length of that fence. See, it will be easy but now is not the right time of year to be doing all of that... So it is as I have said its what I will aspire to do this year.

Wish me luck and just a quick note to myself, you know, for the days when I think Im not making enough progress, many gardens all over the world evolve over time and I will probably always be tweeking something.

Me.

As those of you that know me know I hate having my photograph taken but I quite like this one so I thought that I would Blog it!!

Misty morning.

I snapped this rose on my way to work one misty morning in March of this year. Mother Nature had bestowed a string of dew jems on the cobweb wrapped rose making it structually beautiful.

Say it with signs.

Just for the crack, Ive used a few of the signs that took my fancy to record my state of mind!!!!
What would yours be? Have fun...

On your bike mate!!

Life worth documenting.

These four words sum it up for me!

When I'm at screaming point stressed, just plain cross, upset or just fed up with life itself I Scrapbook.

Take a deep breath, choose a photo and loose yourself in the patchwork of pulling together the memories of a 'Life worth documenting'.
Many a day Iv'e come back from the brink of having a breakdown just by shuffling papers and sorting brads! Slaming cardstock between the plates of a Big Shot and cutting out flowers by the dozen gives my mind time to think, helps me to take deep breaths and lower my pulse rate...I think it should be available on Prescription!

So, as you take in the time and detail of the layouts below just wonder to yourself,

What sort of mood was she in when she did this one?
Five lives worth documenting.x

Daisy,

I saw these Bronze Sculptures at Chelsea Flower Show last year and I often just sit and gaze at these three photo's.
I love the unusual and understated, these are both of these things to me, they both captivated me and made me want to sit down alongside them. The statue I named Daisy is cupping her hands to let the water drizzle through them, that in itself is calming and soothing. Yet when you look at her from an angle where you cannot see the water flowing through her fingers it appears as if she is coverting either a delicate butterfly or ladybird.
I love that we all see different things in the same image, as well as the same image seeming different in some way depending on our mood or frame of mind.
I just loved them and although it may seem a strange thing to photograph, its not to me, as I am constantly surrounded by children be them my own or someone elses. I would willingly share my garden bench or patch of grass with any of these, we might even have a little one sided chat!

Sutton on Sea, Lincolnshire,

Sutton on Sea, that's where this heart was etched into the sand on what turned out to be a scorching day at the Seaside.
Every week the tractors come onto the beach here and rake the sand removing buried treasures and lost belongings that many a family have walked away from.

As you will see from the photo's below, the sky was a heavenly blue that you long for in foreign holiday brouchers, the beach was mostly deserted and undisturbed, except for the sound of the sea gently caressing the sand and the distant sound of excited children. A whole tranquil day. Bliss

I long to be near the sea, it's like a gently pulling magnet on my soul, I feel rested when I'm near the sea, calm and at home. I love the smell of the sea breeze, the way the breeze skips over your skin dusting it with a golden haze. There's nothing more relaxing than feeling the waves gentling curling around your feet, its healing power for both body and soul given unconditionally.
One day the sea will be my neighbour, growing old together, sharing our moods and joys on a daily basis as time just rolls on by but an old friendship re-kindled from when I was young, as though we had never been apart. x

Sometimes.

Sometimes, just sometimes, you have to look at things from a different angle. Sometimes its because someone else has pointed something out to you and sometimes its because you just happen to stumble upon something completely by mistake.

Looking at life from a different angle can be really tricky, we all get set in our ways and comfortable is a place that we all love to be, but it can be mundane and suffocating too, its like you need fresh air, you need to get out!

That's how I'm feeling at the moment, like I'm being squeezed into a size 14 dress when in reality I'm a unflattering size 22. Its going to be a struggle and something has to give!!

Sometimes when your looking for new direction, any direction is good, as long as its not backwards.

So, with all of this in mind, I have listened to the many and it is so that I take little steps to find pastures new.

Photography is something that I absolutely love, everywhere I go I see something that I just want to point my camera at, everyday the same thing can be different. Having decided that I'm going to change direction I thought the first place to start was with my blog...to put some of my photographs on here... its a beginning point.