Many, many times I've just sat and watched my children sleep. Holding their hands when they've been poorly or wiping their face when they cant hold anything down. Wiping away the tears after a scuffed knee, a mishap on the bike or even a failed teenage crush. Just being there, just listening, just being a mum.
Its what we do as parents and it never ends, I for one am glad that I will always be needed in one way or another, it gives me a feeling of belonging and that deep warm satisfaction of knowing that I can make a difference with a softly spoken word or smile. Sometimes it's as simple as that, Oh boy do I wish it was always as easy as that!
We can take a child by its hand and quide it through the maze that we call life but dragging them will not have the same effect. They need to fall and scuff their knees occassionally, its how we go about getting them back on their feet that counts, re-assurance instead of scolding, showing that you are there instead of 'I told you so', giving them the confidence to have another try and not be fearful of falling again can be applied throughout their lives.
Its the 'parting' and 'letting go' that I'm struggling with, fewer family meals where we laugh or cry about our day, our family get togethers are less frequent but more of a bloody military manover, its not easy to organise but well worth all the Diary jiggling or conference calls - 6 ways!!
With all of these down sides there are many, many up sides...the addition of people to our family with the introduction of partners is how I measure my wealth nowadays. I dont have alot, I dont own my own house, if I dont have the money for something I dont buy it, its that simple. But, I can cook a great roast, we have always had cooking days, Craft days, DVD days and duvet days, it's when we spend quality family time especially now that they are all flexing the wings, finding their feet and preferring to spend time with someone not as old as their mum!
You see, as they get older, you can't live their lives for them. I still want to pick them up when they fall but instead I find myself turning and walking away knowing that someone else has lovingly stepped in, so I can have a rest for a while.
Thats how I have to look at it, its not that they dont need or want me anymore as I will always be their mum, its because they're growing into what they want to be, with whom they want to be with.
Thats why I have to let go.
I will always be proud because they make me proud, I will always love them dearly like I did the first time I touched them, they have been my life for all of their lives, they are part of my soul and of that I'm so glad.
